when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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