Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
