dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
