remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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