i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
