My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
being pregnant is like rehab
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
