did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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