A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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