we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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