I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
