So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
