Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm too high and old for this...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
