maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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