Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
