I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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