Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
