I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
