I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
