Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize