Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
