I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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