"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
