girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
