Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
