Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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