Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize