This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
