Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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