i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
