Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
