I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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