I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
