People in love make me want to vomit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
