Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
