i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
