my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
