every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
