Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
