like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
honey bunches of taint.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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