Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
