Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
