We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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