Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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