The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
