He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
