We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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