She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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