I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
