hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
