My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
