I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
