Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
