saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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