Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
