Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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