I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
