i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
