Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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