Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
