what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
