You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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