we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
