I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
