Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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