i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
