I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
