college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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