i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
