your parents love me but you hate me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
