I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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