billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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