she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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