seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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