Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
