Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
