yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
sex in a hospital.. check
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
