There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
