Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
