After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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