Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize