i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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