dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
