I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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