I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
