Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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