so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
True college students do jello shots in the library
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