I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
