NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
