i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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