I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
