I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
