I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
