well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
