thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
