i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
