There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
