I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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