I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize