Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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